(via Lupa)

(via Mechangel)

Presenting Intermittens. Intermittens is a periodical journal of Discordian diarrhea - an incontinent splattering of juicy ideas and corny jokes. Originally produced by the irreverant spags of the Peedy cabal, Intermittens is an expanding attempt to document some of the antics going on today in the Discordian Society. Every issue has a different editor. All content (unless otherwise marked) is from / for the public domain.

This project is an attempt to create an open-source Discordian magazine. We encourage anyone, even you, to haphazardly throw together an issue of what you think is cool. The project itself is a Golden Apple Seed Mission, or GASM, meaning we want your help! We need people who have writing, graphic, and layout skillz. We also need people with the balls to edit their own issue of Intermittens and join the elite Editor Cabal. Do you have what it takes? No, you don’t; none of us do. That’s why we’re making DIY magazines and not professional ones. And that’s why we need more cooks to foul the broth.

Intermittens is being published on a (roughly) monthly schedule. If you’re interested in helping out, check in at principiadiscordia.com/forum and martyr yourself for the cause. In any case, we hope you dig it. And by all means, share. Send the PDFs on to people you know, people you love, people you hate, hamsters, and other creatures.

My friend Telarus, KSC designed the first issue. Seems like a fun project.

Intermittens: a Journal of Discordian Bullshit

From: XKCD

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“The difference between a graphic novel and a comic is that the bus takes four panels to arrive in a graphic novel. ”

From Flickr

(via Robot Wisdom)

(via Jesse)

I suspect the author of this knows more about programming languages than religions. But it’s still kinda funny.

C# would be Mormonism - At first glance, it’s the same as Java, but at a closer look you realize that it’s controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it’d probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn’t discriminate so much against you for following it.

Full Story: Aegisub

(Thanks Dr. P Fenderson)

Apparently from swirlee

(Thanks Bill)

Cobol on Cogs

(via Soycamo)

This was originally published at Alterati last year as part of my Spliced column.

(Above: a holiday card taken from the Amanita muscaria - Holiday Cards gallery)

Christmas is always a good time of year for ontological terrorism. For example, “The psychedelic secrets of Santa Claus” by Dana Larsen from Cannibus Culture Magazine is one of my favorite links to spread around Christmas time. Larsen makes the case that though Santa Claus is now a symbol of our annual collective consumer-orgy, he may originally have been inspired by amanita muscaria mushroom eating shamans. That the very same politicians that enforce and promote the war on drugs tend to also whole heartily endorse a religious figure birthed of ancient drug culture amuses me to no end. Larsen’s idea, apparently taken from Jonathan Ott, might not pass skeptics’ muster. But most, if not all, of Christmas traditions stem from pagan practices.

Continue reading

“In a bold move, Monty Python announces their partnership with YouTube, creating the first official Monty Python Video Channel on the internet. To all the fans who’ve for some unknown reason have sat, progressively losing their eyesight, squinting at their computer screens, watching The Dead Parrot Sketch, or missing the climax of The Fish Slapping Dance all because you’re too damned cheap to buy the shiny new DVD Box Set, you who have gawped at grainy bootlegged Python snippets only to be left unfulfilled by the ripped-off rubbish posted on YouTube… Well loyal Python fan, strain no longer! Now you can save your eyesight and join the Monty Python YouTube Channel, where you can enjoy high quality Python lounging in your knickers. Yes, that’s right, you don’t even have to leave the comfort of your laptop to join the Flying Circus.”

(Monty Python’s YouTube Channel via Pythonline)

“STUDY COURSE FOR THE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE-In these modern times of stress and crowding, as more of us are forced to live under one roof, it is incumbent upon the churlish to perfect the art of being difficult. For that reason, famed Hollywood Guru, stargazer to the Stars of Hollywood, Anita Sands now offers a groundbreaking Course: PASSIVE AGGRESSION 101. This is a seminar you must take. In it, YOU WILL LEARN ’state of the art’ P.A. Technology ! Yes! Up ’til now, you’ve been nasty on the natch but why should you be ordinary in anything you do? There have been important developments in behavioral systems developed for the torture of so-called superior (but really meeker) humans —by surlier, burlier ones —and, as an even cursory purusal of the curriculum of this workshop will prove, tricks in terror can be taught! You can become a doormat with TEETH. HOW?

It pays to stay au courant. Things have moved a great way from the early days of simple, caveman aggression. Advanced studies take basic human aggressiveness and refine it into sublime and ever more evolved manifestations. Use the same old Cro-Magnon fist but shroud it in a Third Millenium velvet glove! P.A. Studies 101 does not involve putting aside the mortal weapon. Oh no. It involves a lighter touch on a smaller, more streamlined club, targeting more mortal spots on the enemy. Take this class and become the shit you always wanted to be!

COLLECTING INJUSTICES –OR THE VALUE OF SCREAMING AND YELLING- (not YOUR screaming. THEM!) When people have too much patience and calm, and constantly summon the strength to be calm around you, it is incumbant upon you to DOUBLE DOWN on being outlandish. I’m talking double-dip nasty. Be hugely provocative. Make them totally lose their cool. Do exactly the opposite of what they tell you to do. Ignore any request. They say, ‘don’t leave, do the work,’ LEAVE and neglect the work and come back and tell them what fun places you went and amusing, creative things you did while they were stuck doing the work. If they say don’t make noise. CHATTER AND PLAY THE RADIO. When you have them blowing up, screaming and yelling say in a gentle, pained manner, ‘See? You’re an angry rageaholic bitch to me.’ When you can truly collect an injustice the collateral benefit is that you get to tell a few of the enemy’s friends of the cruel evils the enemy has done to you. Makes for great gossip down the line. You’ll dine for years on these anecdotes.

CONTROL TRIP: If the Enemy can approach you and talk, he will ultimately control you. Always avoid conversational approaches. As a chatty Cathy comes at you, or as Enemy moves toward you with mouth open, immediately trip switches that leave them powerless. Lock yourself in your own room, forcing them to bang, cajole, talk through the door. That leaves them in total powerlessness. Then to absolutely seize control, tell them you don’t like being yelled at through a door, that it’s insulting. This is called a reverse switch and leaves most authority figures completely stymied, and stupid ones, feeling guilty in the bargain.

HARMONY- Why should we have any harmony on earth? Life sucks. Earth is a place for SUFFERING. You’re suffering, why shouldn’t everyone else? Be the Equalizer with your own brand of the Golden Rule. Not to give others what you yourself want… No way! Your job is to give others what you got. Every glad ass is trying to sell some dumbfuckin’ harmony seminar. It’s on every street corner. Harmony has been done to death. COSMIC TRUTH: There’s harmony everywhere EXCEPT on earth. That’s how God made it. Don’t try to fix it if it ain’t broke. If God meant for humans to be happy automatically he wouldn’t have given babies painfully hungry stomachs, wee-wees, ammonia in diapers, mucus in noses, soft skulls that crush with a minor fall off a bed, necks that break with the slightest slap!

SHARING-Ever notice how high horse the enemy gets when you have the flu? It really deserves a get-back. Here you are feeling stuffy, headachy, feverish, unable to sleep and they’re perky as a squirrel going “More tea? Can I get you a Mango smoothie?” Implied by all this wussy pussy energy is ‘where’d you fuck up, you little maniac that you’re this ill? You wanna eat Big Macs with change stolen from my purse, you goddamn pay the price. Look at me. I’m in perfect health. I eat spinach. I never get the flu.” Well, fuck them and the bale of hay they rode in on. They’re made of steel maybe, but you’ve got an endless supply of kryptonite. You’ll show them! The thing to do is get them in a corner where they can’t get away like when they’re reading to you, sitting downwind and cough right in their face. Don’t bother to turn your head or cover your mouth, just casually HACK in their face. Make sure a shower of spit falls on their lips, eyes and nose. If they call you on it, do a wide-eyed huh? Like, aren’t you testy. Here I’m the one dying of a l08 fever and you expect me to HOLD BACK every cough just because you insist on sitting with me and reading me Peter Wabbit?” Then when they come down with your flu and are lying in bed missing work, hacking, as you go out the door, remind them to drink mango smoothies. It’s not expected you make it for them. You’re not Florence Fucking Nightengale. You’re Greta GetBack.”

(via Heyoka Magazine)

From XKCD

First 2012 Poll Gives Mitt Romney GOP Lead

I’ve been a big fan of Gary Larson’s “The Far Side” for as long as I can remember. His “outside the box” comics of silly reactions that monsters, animals, insects, aliens, and even vegetables might have in reaction to us human beings pulls me out of my reality tunnel and makes me laugh, and sometimes more importantly, is a reminder not to take everything so seriously. Now a DVD set of “Tales From The Far Side”, an animated series that appeared on TV in 1994, is available.

“Almost everyone has seen a Gary Larson Far Side cartoon in a newspaper or on a T-shirt, mug, calendar, or greeting card. But if you weren’t watching CBS on the night of October 26, 1994, you missed Tales From the Far Side, an award-winning animated short film that you’ve probably never heard of. Yes, that’s right: the Far Side was animated. Twice. And it’s brilliant.

The first short film premiered as a Halloween special in 1994, where couch potatoes and animation buffs like me saw it and were never able to forget it. The program was never broadcast on television again, but it did make the rounds at the Annecy International Animated Film Festival, where it took the Grand Prix. Three years later, a sequel (aptly titled Tales From the Far Side II) never even made it to television.

Both short films are comprised of a series of vignettes in the visual style of the print comics, with a haunting musical accompaniment by jazz guitarist Bill Frisell (who has featured some of the scores from the soundtrack on his disc Quartet). The tone ranges from the slapstick to the macabre, humorous to depressing, and even has some live action cow action thrown in there.”

(via Fantasy Magazine)

Oooo…very scary!

“I debated where I should blog about this or not, but here goes.

A couple of days ago I received a package from Juneau, Alaska - its ends taped over with duct tape several times over, my address written on a black magic marker, in a tight, clipped scrawl (without my name) and with no return address. The package smelled like bug spray. A little bit scared, I nonetheless cut open the package, and cutting into the layers it felt like I was back in 8th grade dissecting a frog. Anyway, inside was a modest-size, 3-ring binder from the Alaska Department of Natural Resources, and in the binder were a series of photocopied pages. Maybe 40 or 50. I flipped through it and it became clear to me that someone had photocopied pages of a book - and a book of such design that even now, writing this, I am afraid to contemplate. The first page depicted a cover, and this one was the blurriest of them all, since it appeared the cover had bumps and ridges. On the cover was a single line of a text from an alphabete that I couldn’t decipher, almost looking like cyrillic that had sat in the sun too long and melted a little. Rather helpfully, though, a post it note - also part of the photocopy - explained that ‘See here!!! it says ‘The Palinomicon.”

Though the very thought of actually holding this book in my hands filled me with dread, even flipping through a copy of the book - a ghost of it, if you will - still greatly unsettled me. The book was a cauldron of alternating English and the aforementioned script, each page containing verses (spells?) and paeans to barely discernible, devilish forces that the author of the book somehow took to be, at times, angelic and beneficient. I could not think of a more terrifying cosmological thesis to structure one’s mad inhabitations of language.”

(via Goblin Mercantile Exchange. See also: “More From The Palinomicon”)

[Disclaimer: Technoccult is not responsible for any demons unleashed by untrained magickians attempting to unlock The Palinomicon. We are still combating the war and financial demons unleashed by those neophytes who messed with The Bushnomicon.]

Citing unsafe practices and potential toxic contamination, the Environmental Protection Agency shut down a small ghost- entrapment operation in downtown Manhattan today, and had four of the business’ spectral-containment specialists arrested in the process.

According to EPA agent Walter Peck, employees of the company-located in an old fire station in the Tribeca neighborhood of New York-had repeatedly refused to grant him access to their storage facility, which posed a health hazard to the surrounding community.

Full Story: the Onion

Link to full sized comic (with bonus mouse-over)

Kudos to XKCD. (I try to save my mockery and scorn for people who really deserve it)

“Bill Hicks, the anarchic comedian who shocked enough people in the late 80s and early 90s to be dubbed ‘Goat-boy’, is to be played by Russell Crowe in a new biopic. His tale has enough laughs, drink, drugs and general chaos to be bog-standard comedian biopic material, and the film is likely to raise more laughs than similar material such as the very intense 1975 Lenny Bruce biopic Lenny. I guess we’ll find out if Mr. Hicks was quite as sex-starved as he was always complaining of…”

(via Den of Geek. See also “10 Ways the Casting of the Bill Hicks Movie Could Be Worse” via Den of Geek)

The above image via Hit and Run and Zenarchery. Josh also reminded me of one of my favorite internet pictures ever:

From: Joy of Tech

(via Dark Roasted Blend)

Get Your War On

Finally! A candidate that makes some sense…

“Don’t Vote for billionaires backed by billionaires. I’m homeless, don’t have a cent. Hell, I’m worse off than YOU are, and you know why? Because I haven’t sold out to ANYBODY, that’s why. Ain’t no corporate strings behind me. With me, what you see is what you get.

[..] How I Would Re-Write the Bill of Rights by Satan:
Amendment I:
You can believe what you want, or say what you want, or assemble where you want, but in the long run, your ass still belongs to me.

Amendment II:
You can kill each other with whatever weaponry you want, but in the long run, your ass still belongs to me.

Amendment III:
Stay where you want, do what you want, make war, steal property, who cares, in the long run, your ass still belongs to me.

Amendment IV:
If you can convince yourself that your houses, papers, and effects are secure against unreasonable searches and seizures, go ahead and do it. It ain’t illegal to be delusional.”

(via Dareland)

Illustration from a recent Make magazine article on Parsons.

Source and details here

(Thanks Bill)

Jennifer Stevenson is the author of ‘Trash Sex Magic’, and most recently wrote a trilogy of sexy, funny, romantic fantasy, the first of which was recently released called ‘The Brass Bed’ (Ballantine Books). She’s been writing for 25 years and lives in the Chicago area with her husband of 30 years and her two cats.

The Brass Bed begins with the heroine, Jewel Heiss, a tough fraud cop investigating a fake sex therapist, Clay, who has been using an antique brass bed to lure his customers. Trapped inside the bed is Lord Randall (Randy), who in 1811 was cursed and turned into an incubus by his magician-mistress for being lousy in bed. The curse was this: satisfy one hundred women or be trapped in the bed forever. Lucky Jewel was number one hundred, and Randy becomes her personal sex slave. The choice: Clay or Randy? This is where the fun really begins.

I don’t usually read much fiction, but found myself flying through all three books (‘The Velvet Chair’ is the second [coming out in late May], and ‘The Bearskin Rug’ is the third). There’s plenty of humor, sex and magic to keep anyone reading into the wee hours. The ending in the last book (‘The Bearskin Rug’) was a bit of a surprise. If you like funny romantic fantasy, you’ll love this series.

I sat down with Jennifer to discuss her new book, and to get some of her views on magic, and sex demons.

See also:

Trash Sex Magic review by Wes Unruh

[display_podcast]

"Um… Ia? Ia? F’thagan?" by Harris O’Malley (or on deviantART). Brings a smile to me face.